So the questions raised by my last entry have been on my mind today….
Equality between men and women was the first. Should be really be considered “equal?” I think women have made great strides to at least have the opportunity to become whatever we want, but at the same time I rarely see any recognition of what we have lost in this quest. So I think it’s time SOMEONE (me) mentions what price we have paid for the luxury or earning more and having more career choices.
Sex and rights regarding it. When women fought for the right to control their own reproduction they won something important – the right to not have a baby every year and the ability to enjoy sex without the constant worry over having babies. But what did we lose? What is it that men say now about women and casual sex resulting in accidental pregnancies? Ah yes “that’s her problem” – granted I’m sure it was her problem before birth control since indeed she was the one forced by nature to bear the child. BUT here’s the major difference now: women who don’t have sex while dating are shunned since we all get that “what’s the problem, aren’t you on the pill?” look or statement. HOW ABOUT if I just don’t want to sleep with you? Just because I CAN sleep with someone, doesn’t mean I WANT to. in some sense you give some of yourself to everyone you share your body with, and if I deem someone not worthy of that part of me or I don’t know them well enough to go there, I don’t (I specifically find intelligence to be the sexiest thing in a man of any age or race)
Family and time with them – children’s health risks. So many mothers go back to work when their babies are 6 weeks old. What would we normally be doing? Breastfeeding them. Putting them in cloth diapers and making them baby food. Maintaining the household and ensuring that life lessons get learned, say like personal responsibility and delayed gratification. Look at my generation LOOK AT THEM. They don’t want anything that doesn’t come easily or upload to their blackberry, IPhone, or IPod. They are chronically sick due to a childhood on antibiotics from the various illnesses they caught in preschools and day cares. They don’t care about the welfare of humanity because they’re looking out for number one- themselves. Why? Because there isn’t a steady network of known people in the preschool/ day care environment. Why get attached to a friend if their mom could move them to a place closer to her work next week? We all have attachment and trust issues. The other side if this: Moms need time with their children in order to bond properly. Without this, Mom is just another care giver and unable to make the law. She bends what would ordinarily be unbend-able rules because well she “doesn’t know how they do it” at the day care. Without this firm footing in authority, the child learns to manipulate and make excuses, to lie. I myself will have to cross this road later on, but I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to stay home with my kids as long as I have. I plan on staying home until my younger son is in school too.
Essential gender role and violation of our true nature. Several studies I have read and heard about analyzed what men and women ask for when they ask for some improvement or perk in their jobs. Women usually ask for something to make themselves more available – a cell phone, laptop, company car, etc. Whereas men ask for extras that are just for personal enjoyment – an extended expense account, free vacations, the ability to watch pay per view on business trips, etc. In other areas too, women squeeze their female nature in thru the back door – we make the Christmas parties (or “holiday” parties as it were) and arrange little birthday parties, we bring in silk plants or even real ones to warm the place up. Thank God we do, where would men be without us? BUT what is not accepted in big business is all this poppycock about children. We are to abhor children or at least be tense when speaking about them (never mentioning if we have any of course) It is considered by our men counterparts to be a weakness, a flaw showing our TRUE colors. As if a woman who has children is any less committed to having a career! Never the less, I know this to be true in many instances, and have heard many stories of women who have say – gone on maternity leave only to be replaced by some fresh-out-of-college person … granted the law makes them keep you for a while, but why stay at some place with the ax looming? My point is this: We are women, we love our children and THAT IS A GOOD THING. So stop punishing us and forcing us to PRETEND they are such a burden. Sure they are a handful, but sometimes, that just makes us love them even harder.
Chivalry and respect of the gentler sex. I am woman, hear me roar! Squeek. Whether we like it or not, we are just smaller, more vulnerable, and dare I say – more given to emotional and irrationality issues than men. SURE men have their while horn dog thing, but we instinctively (I’m just writing it, don’t kill the messenger) are weaker. Well, in some sense. i think in certain areas both sexes have their strong points. HOWEVER. What happened to holding a door for a woman you care about? DO Y’ALL KNOW HOW HEAVY THEY CAN BE??? hahaha. Or paying for things – we are still so far from equal pay it isn’t even funny. Again in in ventures on this I came across a reporting on the most likely ways either sex acquires the majority of their life’s earnings – women usually get the largest amount of their wealth through inheritance or some fashion similar to lottery, etc. Men are able to earn theirs. So for Christ’s sake take her to the movie! I personally violate this rule because I don’t like to feel as if i owe anyone anything. Since men seem to insist on using the fact that they took me to dinner or something as an excuse for sex, I usually pay for my own and eliminate the uncomfortable possibility. But the other things matter. An arm around the shoulder, holding the door, opening a car door… they are just little things to let someone know you care and you are there to make their life easier – and if someone likes you, they want to make your life easier – not harder.
Overall happiness and our creeping depression rate in women. I did a majorly huge paper on depression in women. In comparison studies of women’s depression rates in several countries, the United States came in top dog amongst some places that were quite surprising (I mean we are more depressed here than 3rd world countries where women are losing babies to malaria and dysentery) Study after study asserted that we are more depressed not because of our circumstances, but because of the disunity of the circumstances of the whole. Women who stay home long for the career of the business woman, and the working mom longs to spend more time with her kids and at home doing more domestic things. The grass is always greener… It is in our make up, from birth (again, most of us) to be a certain way. Men were hunters, we are gatherers. Why do you think men do go antiquing? (granted I don’t either) But they also don’t enjoy shopping without buying… a true gatherer’s activity! Denial of who we are will only upset the balance of women as a whole. My generation has been taught to go against our more domestic side and play a game I like to call “I’m more wild/hott/sexy than her” wherein the young woman does things that ought to be against her moral code just to win the attention of a disrespectful jerk-faced boyfriend that won’t even open a car door for her! I am hoping my generation is just kidding and will grow out of this humorous stage and grow some self- respect. However, I’m not holding my breath.
So this revolution has won us these things: The ability to do what we want to as far as career choices (not limited to nurse, secretary, or teacher) we can enjoy sex without so many issues like a human being being formed every 10 months (40 weeks is 10 months people- WAKE UP!) We CAN have a life outside of the home, men don’t control us like property. Amazingly it had a reverse effect. We became property at work too, and temporary property by the men we date and who feel free to demand sex on the first or second date. We gave up so much and for what? If we want true equality, we ought to push for equal pay and equal perks. We ought to ask for the same responsibilities. Nope, instead we are wives and mothers to the men around us. Pity Pity
NOW Justice will have to wait… I want to go play in the snow… 😀