So I decided this past week that I’d had enough smog in the 15 years I’ve lived in the DFW area and it was time to pick up and move to greener pastures. Byan, TX to be exact. I’ve had a special someone for a bit, and while it may seem really premature to go into living together, I feel seeing him everyday might be exactly what I need. I am not the type to do this relationship thing lightly – in fact before him I hadn’t had a REAL relationship in years. What I hope is that we find out early what works and what doesn’t with as little conflict as humanly possible. We are both very rational, well at least he is 😉 – I’m still female hehehehe
Kidding kidding…. What I don’t want is to go from being in one dependent relationship to another. This is why I am so so so so so so driven to find a job as soon as I’m there – I NEED to contribute for my own self worth at the very least! I know he won’t let me be dependent, which is one of the many things I like about him.
I just wonder how he will take to the boys… kids are difficult (that’s why you’re SUPPOSED to wait to have them I guess!) Mom once compared it to coming home to a table saw. The fresh air will do them both good – Lil bit loses his chronic cough anytime we go down there or to my grandparents house out in Whitney. Big bit will have to get used to the idea since he has a mud phobia, but i think after some time of being allowed to be a boy and play with toads (who reside at the bottom of our stairs) he will be on the right track. And even if he doesn’t – it will be better for him there than here where people of his race are treated as second class citizens or even worse – mules.
And then there’s the matter of this new male influence- i wonder how they are going to accept a new persons authority over them, specifically the more hard headed older one.
I think the main point is that while I am excited beyond what I ever imagined I could be, I remain a mom and worried as well. I trust him more than I trust myself sometimes, so I know it won’t be TOO bad. I just abhor conflict within a house cause i had/have so much of it already!
Then there’s A&M, where I REALLY want to go… I know I’ll get accepted (not to toot my own horn, but they’d be dumber than shit to turn me away) I just hope I can do it as in I hope I can get the aid I need and manage the boys not on my own, since he’ll be there (but I HATE relying on others when it comes to their care, I’m all mama lioness) but I want to be able to do my school work and not neglect them – which was hard at community frickin college! I don’t want to miss them growing up because I had to write a paper…
I know it will all turn out okay, and I don’t really need any calming down – I know in my heart and soul that this is the right move for me, for the kids, and for my stray cat, but it’s been nice to vent my concerns and put the energy out on my mind and body! NOW! Time to move that bed frame down stairs in preparation for the truck! >.<
❤ SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!