So I read a thing about bowl burning where you write one of your vice’s on a piece of paper in red pen and burn it and meditate on that particular thing disappearing from your self or your life and I thought why not, eyeing my red pen sitting right there besides. I thought it interesting that all the traits i wrote down were ones that people tell me i ought to be more of – or at least my stray cat does. He will tell me thank you sometimes for being so unselfish and caring and loving and blah blah blah, but I never take it to heart and as i was writing that i wanted to be less “uncompromisingly apathetic” and get rid of my “lack of understanding and inattentiveness” it dawned on me that all the things I fear most are the things that no one says I am except of course my mom (who believes i do just about everything wrong….. seriously) Have I become overly cautious due to her constant hounding?
It is finally starting to cool in the Brazos valley and boy does it feel good! While our winters are mild in north Texas, we still HAVE them, so for it to have been in the 80s and 90s these past weeks …. just wow, it’s hot. How funny 208 little miles can make it all so different. My kiddos settled on being ninjas for Halloween which is funny indeed since my honey and I are a pirate and little red riding hood…. with ninjas. I will truly have to start posting pictures on here of my loves and me. There are so many things I don’t talk about on here, and as I run out of people I can talk to, I find my throat slowly aquiring cob webs from lack of usage. Maybe it’s wrong to use this site as my own personal diary since that’s not originally why i started it, but it may help in the meantime while I get my bearing and meet new people.
I did meet a woman in the parking lot of my big boy’s school who has 3 girls and and a tiny tiny baby boy. It was nice, as usual but my anticipation makes me stand off a bit since i dont know if i come across as over eager. This week I had one one-day job handing out fliers at a Sam’s Club that was HELL and I barely made enough to break even. And I continue to do work for this rich cat with too much money, but he pays well and is generally good to work for. My older boy has failed two spelling tests in a row and I am beginning to take drastic measures since he is indeed bright. the little one spoiled our saturday halloween plans with a fever 😦 but since this momma lets the fever break itself and knows letting them have a fever kills the illness faster, he is well today~ just in time to trick or treat! No word on my acceptance or denial from A&M, but im sure I’ll be denied due to the wrong set of credits – im good with this since i can get the right ones cheaper at community college!!
I still am off birth control, but im not really keeping track of when are fertile days and all that nonsense, ive had two babies afterall, so i know i CAN do it…..
hm, what else… ah, my mom is hardly speaking to me, for reasons still unknown, so i have taken to talking to stray cat’s very lonely father a few times a week in the evenings. I lack a father and his own daughter stopped contact with him 10+ years ago so it’s been rewarding for us both really. he is very spiritual, and knows how to talk about it in such a non threatening way that I feel i could really learn from him. I hope he never questions what he will do when he becomes old enough to not work and always feels welcome in our home.
I suppose that’s all i have for right now… I just remembered I forgot someones birthday yesterday (for which I am an ASS!!!) so …. tah tah for now