I didn’t want to write about this a couple weeks ago while it was still so fresh because of what happened last time I blogged while angry ~ check out Wanna Fuck Me? for an example of why one ought to wait till the calm perspective comes back before jotting down a few hundred – or thousand- words.
My husband cheated. But what I want to write about today won’t be your typical post one how he’s an evil monster blah blah blah, cause we’re fine. What I want to meditate on is inter-gender communicative style differences. i know much has been said with the whole “Men are from Mars” bullshit but I’d like to add my two cents, and since it IS my blog and hardly anyone reads it unless directed by me, who am I hurting 😉
Hubby and I have been getting loosey goosey in the bedroom stuffs. He wanted to share me cause that’s been his kink forever, I wanted to try something cause I was afraid I was getting bored and didn’t want that to happen…. your typical story. He had a kink that seemed easy enough and I just gave it a shot. It wasn’t so nice. Men in this general area treat women they meet online like a package of Omaha steaks they ordered online. TV? click. Video game console? click. Pussy? click. Not that this is a bad bad thing, but it is how it is, and with my temperament it doesn’t work. I’m just too smart, and I won’t be treated like I’m some sort of love kitten always purring to go. The one guy wasn’t so bad. Aside from the fact that he was indeed cheating on his wife, he really wasn’t. I didn’t like the initial lies, but with the smallness of this town I SORT OF understand them. Also, being a smarmy pushy smart ass is a turn off (for you male readers). What ended ant desire *I* had to continue with him was 1. the way hubby seemed to only want to have sex if we had shared or if we could discuss sharing the WHOLE time ~ which wouldn’t have been a buzz kill if 2. the man/ men seemed to have a reckless disregard for my bodily well being. Smacking and pulling hair is good for me if I know that person is not going to ACTUALLY harm me. Not for some man who wouldn’t even tall me his real name or age. So yes, me and hubby are on the same page with this one and we spent some time on it cause frankly as a pregnant woman you don’t just brush of what your inner primate considers a near death experience (it’s all different when you’re pregnant, I don’t know what to say) So I was mulling over whether I wanted to give it one more go after I had the baby or if I was DONE done, when the discussion of him doing other women came up. I’m not gonna beat around the bush here. I like the idea of him enjoying other women – more to the point I like the idea of THEM enjoying him. I’d like to watch said enjoyment. But I get hesitant cause I’m not made of steel, I have feelings and right now they are pretty much decided by Satan’s roller coaster for the impregnated. The one friend he has that was interested in those kind of activities had never met me, and aside from the sexual stuffs, she seems like a really awesome gal that I ought to be friends with >.< So I thought “meh, invite her over for a friendly weekend kind of thing, then later on another weekend it wouldn’t be so weird” I had no intention of anything happening, especially while I am on above mentioned coaster. This is where your miscommunication begins.
My message to him throughout the planning with woman A is that I want to know her, I don’t have many friends, and boy howdy would it be hot if this thing panned out on a later date.
The message he received was something like I want him to bop other women omg I’m so hot for it omg omg omg
So here’s how it all went down. We are on this site where there are a lot of people with strange fetishes. A woman with a rape fetish messaged him after I’d gone to sleep a half dozen times or so inviting him to climb through her window and fuck her. He thought this would somehow make me happy, so agreed. He looked for his keys and when he couldn’t find them, took a cab to her place around 2/3 AM ~ again it isn’t the cab part that really makes me mad as much as it’s still spending family resource on POON! Ok, so then he fucks this woman, unprotected, talks a bit, then cabs it back home, still not even knowing her name. THEN (and this is the part I AM still a little pissy about) climbs into bed with me and fucks me TWICE. Shower or no, there’s a certain level of dishonesty about exposing your life partner to the smeg of another woman unknowingly. If I know and accept the risk, that’s one thing but it’s truly that last bit that pushed it over into cheating for me. So then we chit chat like any other couple in the morning and he starts the conversation with asking how seriously I was considering him doing woman A since he got laid last night.
I want to emphasize here that even IF woman A had come over that weekend and bopped his brains out it would have not been the same. She was a known quantity, I expected her, and I was okay with her. He took my arousal by the thought of this woman doing stuff with him to many ANY woman was good to go. Not so.
The conversation where explained what he had done, beaming with pride and accomplishment, made my heart sink. It made me realize a few things about our relationship that I had either failed to realize or was ignorantly trying to keep out of mind. 1. he is the provider so no matter what I say it depends on his wishes for the nature of our relationship as long as I am not a financial pull- it truly is only out of the kindness in his heart that he gives me say-so in this house. 2. he can and will expose me to danger unknowingly, opening up the question for me on the knowingly part. 3. my child like status has somewhat doomed me (by my own doing here) to a life of silence. I do not speak up as much as I should when things bother me. There are alternate issues he and I have that also prevent me from doing so, but I it isn’t going to get any better until I feel like an equal on my own turf. 4. I really like being alone. I like to have my own room. I like to do what I want, when I want. I like to not share my kids. I like to not have to care about someone who sometimes can be a giant man child, but will never admit to that. He does so much for me and I love him dearly, I can’t imagine my life without him. But at the same time I feel like in the 4 short years I didn’t have so much as a boyfriend I settled into my ways and I don’t wanna go back.
So getting off topic…. Why, you ask, is this the infidelity TRAP? Well, I essentially ASKED him to fuck other women. I have been asking him to fuck other women. Is it cheating if he fucked one *I* hadn’t scheduled? I came out with calling it cheating since I didn’t know about it until after the fact. But I can’t fault him for it. He sincerely thought he was doing what I had asked, and the last two weeks more than proved his apologetic feelings on what happened. He is a very GOOD guy. He doesn’t cheat. Despite MY realizations on our relationship that day, I know he’d counter each one saying I DO do something around here, and all the other touchy feeley stuff most women folk swoon over. Regardless, I think for my sake I ought to get some sort of income.
I have some other awesome other miscommunications too. Men: if you play games on your phone the entire time you’re waiting in an OB office, keep in mind that is not what SHE is doing. She is trying to remember questions to ask the doctor, thinking about if this visit will be the visit she fails that piss test, will they find a heartbeat or won’t they? what if something is wrong….. hope angry birds is worth it.
Men: spending entire weekends at home when you spend all your weekdays at home is like you sleeping at the office. We are not just pestering you cause we have a stick up our ass, we just wanna get the fuck out sometimes.It doesn’t mean we want you to spend money on us. It doesn’t mean we’re a a princess. It doesn’t mean we don’t LOVE spending time with you…. we just had bigger plans for our Saturday than watching you play Red Dead.
Women: sometimes when men want to sleep that ACTUALLY need to sleep. It isn’t cause they don’t love you.
Women: Men care about kids even if they aren’t theirs. It’s in HUMAN nature to care about offspring, otherwise none of us would be here! Asking a man to be your husband and NOT participate with your kids is like dooming him to a lifetime of coexistence! oh, and that won’t work long term unless you basically give up the kid or the man. No fun.
Men: that pushy attitude you get when a woman won’t go home with you? yeah, it won’t change my mind either. That sob story on how you’re so mistreated/ misunderstood too…. yep, heard it and I cried BIG tears. buh bye!
Women: men do not get why (neither do I) having someone use a sharp instrument to shove your cuticles back is RELAXING or a TREAT to yourself. Waxing too. It’s grooming, not a right of passage.
Okay, I think if I keep going I’ll end up on a cliff somewhere …. so that’s enough for one day >.<
Hope all is well with you and yours