Who Am I And What Am I Doing Here?

It’s an odd thing, re-reading my post from a couple weeks ago, knowing what came next. So my rant on hubbikins: After our spat, and my writing, my oxygen dipped so low I became combative, passed out and was unwake-able. He called an ambulance and I woke up a couple of DAYS later in Intensive care. WTF right??? I had pneumonia MRSA and the flu. They had to pump air into my chest!!!!

This was one of my worst hospital stays- Since I’d been “up and at it” without my full deck of cards I had torn out my IVs (which are NOT easy to get on me) and I had been doing crazy business- yelling at people, trying to do laundry, etc) So I am home again and ¬†impatiently getting better. I just don’t understand what happened I mean I’ve been doing so well- I had moved to once a month dr appointments! Now I’m back to once a week, and having all these drugs pushed on me. Blah. I really am going to look them all up and start reading on this BOOP or COP Disease (not COPD I was told- there’s two). I have to break free of all this western medicine before they seriously medicate me to death.

I’m still on home oxygen- I lowered it though, apparently the tube was worn out and once we replaced it the pressure was so much better it didn’t need to be cranked up!

Funny thing happened due to this latest illness: I got down to my pre-baby weight! It only took 14 years! hahahahahahaha!

No so the medicine: this awesomely cool infectious disease doc, Dr. Baggwell (seriously, his name) and this awesome pulmonologist Dr.Dallas that have been with me from the start had me on this forced air treatments – and the rattling in my chest since I’ve been home has me nervous enough that I may take them up on getting the machine for home. (have I mentioned I was out for days? SCARY!) But they also want me to be on antibiotics for a year. – One called Bactrim. I’m going to look it up but here’s my problem: I understand that when I have been getting sick, I get REALLY sick so I need to not do that. Keeping me well will help until I’m stronger. Since I am no longer on anti-rejection drugs (woop woop!) I need the time to get my brand new immune system up and running. -wouldn’t taking constant antibiotics just make me 1. more likely to only catch super bugs, and 2. be like constantly flushing beneficial bacteria down the toilet (literally) I briefly read some stuff on probiotic treatment after stem cell transplant but the first study was primarily concerned with using it and the occurrence of acute vs chronic Graft Versus Host Disease. Honestly if you treat with probiotics and antibiotics, you really aren’t going to get the full on effectiveness of the probiotics. Either way, everything I’ve ready it looks very positive for the probiotic patients verses the antibiotic patients. The second thing was the butt ton of antivirals- again, I just get nervous taking anything in such a great quantity. I refuse to believe that I will have to take these drugs every day for the rest of my life- there just HAS to be a way to NOT and stay healthy without too much fuss!

On the husband front: he did get some of his shit pulled together since my hospital stay- he’s gotten a PTSD diagnosis- which is good since I’ve seen how he’s relaxed since they diagnosed him and the realization that he never has to interact with his boss again (who was being abusive) He really seems to be returning to normal. I just wish he had more ability to get shit done. (Only because *I* am impatient, it’s not like I have any ability to get shit done either!) The kiddo was put on ADHD medicine and is doing a lot better in school and at home (even if he still tries to mess up our schedule like every day!) I dunno what else. Um, I have a to do list down to my ass but no way of accomplishing it without serious pain and suffering. boo hiss….. so here’s something for the road- Hopefully getting this lil note out will help me sleep!


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